Messages From Heaven: Teenagers Seeking Purpose!

Messages From Heaven: Teenagers Seeking Purpose!: You want your kids to fulfill every bit of their unique purpose in life. When you first hold your newborn, the future and its possibiliti...

Teenagers Seeking Purpose!

You want your kids to fulfill every bit of their unique purpose in life. When you first hold your newborn, the future and its possibilities flash through your mind. Will she be a doctor? Will he be a lawyer? I want her to do well. I hope he is like his dad.
As your children grow, you are able to direct their dreams for a while. Life is good. Then something happens. All of a sudden, seemingly overnight, everything changes. The once amiable child is now a teenager and is no longer following your road map! He seems to have developed his own direction, forsaking what you had imagined for him. How did this happen?
As kids mature in the teen years, they begin searching on their own for meaning in life, a purpose for living, something that makes their life worth living. And that may not at all match what Mommy and Daddy thought it should be.
Why Am I Here?
One of the most important life questions your teen will begin asking and wrestling with is, "Why am I here?" or "What's my purpose on this Earth?" Without a purpose, life becomes motion without meaning; trivial, petty, pointless, and founded upon whatever the culture offers up as the latest "must have" material thing or "must do" activity.
Pastor Rick Warren calls this pursuit for meaning the drive for purpose. In his blockbuster book "The Purpose-Driven Life," Warren offers the answer; "You were made for a mission. You aren't here just to wander around lost. And you aren't here simply to live for yourself."
I grew up in a time and home where people believed that God had a plan for each of our lives. I was taught that each person is as unique as the fingerprints stamped on their digits, and that God wanted a personal relationship with me. I learned that I was uniquely created, fearfully and wonderfully made, and that Christ died for "me." I was told that I was precious in God's sight.
So, why are kids so lost today? Are parents no longer passing on these same values to their children? I am convinced that if more kids knew their purpose, they'd have fewer struggles in the teen years. They'd feel a sense of meaning; they'd know where they are headed and concentrate on getting there.
When I look back at my own life, my work, and my happiness about fulfilling God's purpose for my life, I get excited all over again. It all started from a point in my life when I felt hopeless, lost, and not knowing where to turn. At that point I started asking questions about my own purpose in life, and I started listening to the answers God was giving me.
Showing Your Teen How to Find Their Life Purpose
A good place to begin the search for purpose is to understand that purpose is woven into every strand of the fabric of our lives. It has to do with God-given talents, the experiences in our life, and those things which give a person "goose bumps" or a tear to their eye when they think about them. Moreover, purpose has to do with using those talents to serve God and others, not one's self.
So, has your teen ever taken stock of their talents and gifts? Are they a great talker, or a great listener? Are they skilled at building things, or are they good with people? Is their talent more cerebral or more physical? I suggest they make a list of the things and activities that interest them and those in which they excel. There are a number of places on the Web that they can take online Spiritual Gifts Tests. They can also ask themselves, "What's the one thing that I do better than others?" This can clue them in to their God-given purpose.
The gifts God gives us need to be tested in fertile soil, so it's important for a teen to get a wide variety of experiences. As they do so, certain talents will sprout and blossom, others will wilt and die. Through these new experiences, God will reveal more about who they are and how God has called them to serve Him and others. One experience can literally change their life.
Unlike the Field of Dreams premise "If you build it they will come," teenagers shouldn't get stuck on developing just one purpose, even if for the moment they are convinced it is their true purpose in life. It is far better that they continue to experience new things. So, a better plan for finding life purpose is, "As they experience it, it will come to them." And keep in mind that they may have difficulty finding their purpose in the classroom or from books. So a parent should provide plenty of "field experiences" for their teenager.
Take a Simple Life Purpose Exercise
For teens (or parents) who have already had many experiences in life, and are still confused about their purpose, here's a good exercise. Take out a blank sheet of paper and write at the top, "What is My Life Purpose?" Then, have them begin writing answers. They should write any answer that pops into their head. It could be a word or two, or a sentence. Repeat until they write the answer that makes them cry - obviously not a sad cry, but a joyful one. Yup, if it makes a tear come to their eye, then it's a sure bet that this is their purpose, or at least associated with their purpose. They should do it in private and without any accompanying music or other distractions. It may take 100 or even 200 lines of potential "purposes" to hit the one that makes a tear come to their eye, but encourage them to keep at it until they do.
When God begins revealing their purpose, remind your teen that it may not be reached tomorrow, next month or even in logical steps. Instead, they may need to take some initial steps to get there and there may be detours along the way. But knowing the destination will help them build strength and courage to get there - often much more than we might expect they'll have.
It's a Lifelong Journey
Finding purpose is a lifelong journey. God doesn't give all the details at once, nor does He promise it will be a smooth ride. Instead, He often provides just enough information to help us move another mile down the road. It helps us to trust Him as our Navigator. As you progress along the road of your life's purpose, pay attention to the road signs He provides along the way and listen to Him speak to you.
Nothing matters more than your teen knowing God's purpose for their life, and nothing can compensate for not knowing it. Knowing their purpose gives meaning to their life and each step along the way. It motivates them to prepare for their purpose, to save themselves for that purpose, and to avoid anything that might get in the way. Knowing their purpose simplifies their life and removes confusion.
On the other hand, without a clear purpose, they have no foundation on which to base decisions, allocate their time, and use their resources. Without a clear purpose, they'll keep changing directions, jobs, relationships, churches, or other externals - hoping each change will settle the confusion or fill the emptiness in their heart.
The Comfort of Knowing God's Purpose
Isn't it comforting to know that God has a bigger purpose for each of us? If you believe it, then step in front of a mirror and look for areas in your own life that need to grow. Perhaps you're not following your own heart in finding God's purpose in your life. Aim this year to make some changes - with God's help.
As for me, I stand on His promises, I'm assured of His presence, I love His involvement, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am living in the center of His purpose for my life.
"What's my purpose?" is probably the most important and empowering question you or your teenager will ever ask in this lifetime. So help them uncover their talents, their strengths, their values, their passion. Help them experience new things and develop a plan - any plan, even if it is just a first step. Find ways for them to live life with intent. This New Year is a great time to help your teen - and maybe even you -– begin a quest for purpose.

Messages From Heaven: Is My Teen’s Behavior Normal?

Messages From Heaven: Is My Teen’s Behavior Normal?: The culture has changed, but teenagers haven’t. They are still focused on trying to fit in with their peers and to make sense out of lif...

Is My Teen’s Behavior Normal?

The culture has changed, but teenagers haven’t. They are still focused on trying to fit in with their peers and to make sense out of life. But parents can get confused by their changes in attitude and the independence they seek, assuming their teenager is becoming rebellious.
It’s normal for teenagers to fail to do their chores without ten reminders, to put off their homework, to be emotional, to lose important things, to like music that is too loud, and to sometimes counter or question authority. That’s all pretty typical, though it can be aggravating to parents.
To compare, let’s look at what’s abnormal...sudden profound changes in personality, angry outbursts of profanity, extreme disrespect for people and things, addictions, sudden failing grades, not sleeping or sleeping too much, extreme weight loss, eating disorders, self-harm, running away, or self-imposed isolation.
Do you see the difference? Normal stuff has to do with being distracted, ditsy, trying to fit in, or flapping their wings of independence. It passes in time, as the teen matures. Abnormal behavior and true rebellion is represented by a growing darkness, hatred and anger in their soul, which tends to only get worse over time.
A young man we worked with described his own experience from normal to abnormal behavior this way. He said, “I felt like the things I was doing were pretty normal — schoolwork was boring, I often fought with my sister and spent most of my time hanging with my friends. But when my relationship with my parents soured, I began to think things were never going to get any better. I became suicidal. I intentionally got bad grades and got in trouble over little things like going out with friends when I wasn’t supposed to. Then, one day in the middle of a fight I started cussing out my parents really bad. I had never done that before, and I knew something wasn’t right, and getting worse.”
Rebellion can be a sign that something is seriously wrong in the relationship or that there has been damage to the teen’s feelings of value and self-worth. Another common cause for rebellion is when a teen is trying to exert their independence in a home where independence is not allowed. They feel boxed in, so they tend to explode. The best thing to do when you see rebellion in your teen is to first look at what may be impeding your relationship. Could it be that you are still treating them like a child, and need to give them a few more freedoms? Or, has something happened in your child’s life, even unbeknownst to you, that is affecting them?
A lady called me the other day. She said, “I’m struggling with my daughter who has suddenly become rebellious. For instance, she was to meet me after the third quarter of the basketball game, but she didn’t show up until after the fourth quarter and had gone to her locker, which I told her was off limits for the evening.” The mother was quite dismayed, wondering if she should get her daughter into counseling or send her to a therapeutic program like Heartlight for her “rebellion.”
My response was, “I really don’t think she is being rebellious. Yes, she is forgetful and acting irresponsible. She is impulsive and maybe gets a little distracted, but it doesn’t seem as though it was an intentional plan on her part to make you upset or go against your rules.” I went on to give her some ideas for helping remind her teen of the rules and established timetables.
Kids forget stuff. They get distracted. And by definition, they are still a bit irresponsible. Part of the new “normal” today is the shorter attention spans of young people. Yes, they need to obey the rules and remain inside the boundaries you have set, but I want to encourage you to put their behavior into the context of their lives and not label them as a rebel just because they are acting like a teenager. Parents need to recognize the difference between a distracted or foolish child and one who is making a bold “You can’t tell me what to do!” statement. Though both may seem rebellious, only the latter is trying to be.
Apply Boundaries and Consequences
When I was a teen, consequences for my “rebellion” usually took the form of my dad taking off his belt and whacking me. I’m not suggesting that for your teen (or for any teen). In fact, there is no need to use corporal punishment on a teenager who has the ability to reason and control their own behavior without the sting of physical pain. However there needs to be some “hurt” when they cross the important lines. For instance, turn off their computer, unplug the TV, take away their car keys, ground them for a week. If you have a good relationship and you’ve clearly identified the boundaries, they’ll be expecting some form of punishment. After all, they made the conscious decision to step over the line. Grounding them for a week can actually be a time where you can build your relationship — you can use the time to do things together. Express value to them and sorrow that they have to suffer the consequences, even as they are in the midst of experiencing it.
I sometimes say it this way, “You’re sixteen. I’d like to treat you that way, but if you insist on being treated like you’re twelve, I will! But you won’t like it because you’ll only have the privileges of a twelve year old.” To that end, perhaps the biggest tool in a parent’s arsenal of consequences today is taking away a cell phone. (I had a parent say, “My child doesn’t have a cell phone,” to which I replied, “Give them one so you can take it away.”) That’s an amazing way to change their behavior!
Don’t over-react or get upset. Kids change because of relationship, not due to your shaming them or your anger. Anger just shifts the attention away from their behavior, causing them to reflect anger right back at you. Shaming them just makes them feel like there is no hope of ever pleasing you. Instead, demonstrate your love by keeping your cool and keeping to the plan for applying appropriate consequences. And never cave in or lessen the consequences. That just backfires in the end, causing you to have to apply even more severe consequences later.
The important thing to do is to differentiate between normal and abnormal. If it’s normal stuff, strengthen your boundaries and apply consequences. If your teen’s behavior has become dark, secretive, explosive or otherwise abnormal, it’s time that you get them in to see a counselor.  Consequences may have no effect on such a teen. As I’ve pointed out, deep rebellion usually has deep causes, and it can take a lot of digging by a trained counselor to get to the root of it.
Restore Your Teen
I’ve worked with thousands of teenagers who have fallen short in life, but I truly believe I have never met a bad kid.  Most have broken just about every rule in the book. As a result, many of them think they have messed up so bad that no one — not even their parents or God — loves them any more. They’ve developed a “what’s the use of trying” attitude, which has gotten them into even more trouble. That thinking needs to be turned around before they will turn around. Where could they have gotten such an idea that they are “bad” beyond repair? Could it be how you or others have responded to them?
Psalm 71:20 says, “Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up.” It’s crucial that we never make our kids think they are damaged goods or black sheep.  Rather we must love them unconditionally, even through the disappointments and struggles. Think of it this way...instead of yelling at them for falling in a hole, it’s much more productive to lower a ladder, climb into the hole and show them the steps to get out.

Messages From Heaven: How do I teach my children about sex so that they ...

Messages From Heaven: How do I teach my children about sex so that they ...: Talking about sex may be the single most powerful way you can enter into the lives of your children. Why? Because sex education means mor...

How do I teach my children about sex so that they will stay pure until they are married?

Talking about sex may be the single most powerful way you can enter into the lives of your children. Why? Because sex education means more than teaching them the facts of human reproduction.
Of all the discussions we have had in our family about sex, probably 95 percent of them have concerned character issues. We've had discussions about God's purposes for sex, the importance of sex and marriage, and why you should wait for marriage before you have sex. We talked about how to avoid situations in which you are tempted, how different types of media shape our thoughts in this area, the types of movies to see and avoid, how to respond when someone challenges your convictions, and many other topics. We have found that the issues surrounding human sexuality, such as self-control and obedience to God, are the foundational character qualities every parent wants to build into his teenager.
Five Steps for Developing and Implementing a Sex Education Plan
Step One: Evaluate your frame of reference
For this topic, it's critical that you think through your own experiences to determine what has influenced you up to this point. How did you learn about sex? How have you been influenced by your parents, by your peers, and by the culture? What mistakes have you made over the years in this area? How much do you know about what the Bible says on this subject? What were the most important events that shaped who they were as young people growing up to become a man or a woman?
It's also important to examine what fears you may have about interacting with your children about sex. I am convinced that fear is one of the primary emotions we feel when it comes to discussing the area of sex with our kids. We do not feel like experts as parents. We're afraid of not knowing the answer to a question, or of giving an answer that is not appropriate for a child's age level. We're afraid of those awkward moments.
But that's okay. You don't need to be a professional. You just need to be a parent. God will give you the power and the courage to tell your children about His perspective of this sacred area of life. It is a great privilege.
Many parents today also fear that their own sexual sins in the past may disqualify them from speaking to their children with authority. This is a fear of every parent who has failed in an area and is attempting to lead the child to do what is right.
Past failures must not prevent us from calling our child to the standard of God's Word. We have all lied, yet we still teach our children to tell the truth. We have all stolen something, but that doesn't stop us from teaching that stealing is wrong. The same should be true for those who have been sexually active outside of marriage in the past. In fact, you should feel a greater urgency to stand up for the truth because you know the consequences of not waiting until marriage.
The only thing that, to us, can disqualify you from being able to talk to a child about sex is if you are currently involved in sexual sin—a present sexual addiction or an adulterous affair. If this is part of your life today and you have not repented of it, your sin is just not going to impact you. Your sin will have an impact on your sons, your grandsons, and your granddaughters. It is going to affect your daughters as they grow into adolescence and on into adulthood and become married. That is why it is very important as we talk about sex education right at the outset that you as a parent as much as possible have your conscience forgiven and cleansed by Jesus Christ.
Step Two: Clarify your convictions
In the next step, we will list some basic scriptural truths to teach your children about sex. Right now we'd like to challenge you to clarify your convictions in one significant area—God's standards of purity and innocence.
If you were asked, "What are you teaching your child about sex and morality?" my guess is that you might say something like, "We are teaching him that he should wait until he is married to begin having sex."
In the process of raising our own teens, however, we have developed a strong conviction that virginity is not a high enough goal. Nor is it the ultimate biblical goal. Unfortunately, studies have found that even our Christian teenagers are engaging in sexual activities reserved for marriage, yet are maintaining a technical virginity.
The Bible presents a number of pointed principles to ensure that our relationships with the opposite sex are appropriate and rewarding. The key words underlying all of them are purity and holiness. Here are two basic passages:

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God. . . For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity but in sanctification" (1 Thessalonians. 4:3-5, 7).

"Now flee from youthful lusts, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart" (2 Timothy 2:22).

Abstinence is a part of the answer. It's just not the total answer.   Step Three: Teach what God says about sex
The best way to combat the world is by teaching the truth of the Scripture. Here are some major points you will want to share with your child:
God created sex. Genesis 1:27 tells us, "And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." The Creator of the universe stamped and embedded His image within us in a way that is somehow mysteriously tied to our sexuality. God designed the parts of their bodies and He blessed the union. When God made them male and female, He said it was "very good" (Genesis. 1:31).
Sex is for procreation in marriage. God created sex so that we can reproduce after our own kind. Genesis 1:28 tells us that God blessed the man and the woman and commanded them to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.
Sex is for intimacy in marriage. Genesis 4:1 says, "Now the man had relations with his wife Eve, and she conceived." Adam did not shake Eve's hand. He had sexual relations with his wife, and she conceived because they had intercourse. God intended us to become one flesh to draw us together. It's a wonderful aspect of sex.
Sex is for pleasure in marriage. God approves of appropriate gestures of love, romance, and pleasure within marriage. Look at Proverbs 5:19: "As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love." That is not Playboy 5:19; that is Proverbs 5:19. God said it. He also wrote an entire book of the Bible about sexual love in marriage, The Song of Solomon. God is not down on sexual pleasure in marriage.
Sex was created to be enjoyed by a man and a woman in marriage. Today our media bombard us with the idea that God created and blesses other kinds of sex, like that practiced by homosexuals. You will need to share with your child that there is a radical homosexual element in our culture saying, "We're going to be in your face. You're going to see us kissing on television and in movies. We want to become acceptable."
Sex outside of marriage is a sin. God very clearly forbids fornication (1 Corinthians 6:9, Matthew. 15:19). Some believe only a cruel God would give teenagers a strong sex drive but then order them not to act upon it until marriage. But when God forbids something, it is for our own good.
Use the following points to develop a clear, thought-out explanation on how God uses sexual purity for our good.

• You feel no guilt, no shame, and no emotional scars when you hold to a standard of sexual holiness
• You don't hear any accusing voices in your own conscience.
• You will not be tempted to compare your future spouse with a past lover.
• You have no risk of sexually transmitted disease.
• You will not face the possibility of bearing a child out of wedlock.
• It gives you much needed training in self-control and self-denial.

Step Four: Challenge your children to maintain purity and innocence until they are married
Let's say your thirteen-year-old comes to you and says, "Mom, Dad, how far should I go (sexually) with the opposite sex?" Do you know what your standard would be? For example, what standard on kissing will you present to your child? We have been challenging our children to set a goal of not kissing anyone until the wedding ceremony. Now, that may sound preposterous to you, and that's fine, but if that standard seems too high, answer this question: What line will you challenge your child to draw? If you do not challenge your child with a specific standard, we can promise you that your child will most definitely turn to his peers to develop his own standard.
We believe that the spiritual awakening that is begging to erupt in America may well occur through our youth. Moreover, it may be advanced by a band of parents who say to young people, "We want to lead you to the moral high ground." That high ground is there to be taken if we love our teens and develop relationships with them so that these standards can be implanted in their hearts.
Step Five: Create a home environment that provides love, security, and physical affection for your children
In many cases the teens who become snared in the trap of illicit sex are emotionally needy because of they don't live in a loving, supportive home environment with strong standards and encouraging parents. Your home needs to be an emotional watering hole—an oasis where your children learn about trusting Christ. A place of refreshment for their souls, where they go for love and affection (even when they don't seem to want it from you). If your home life is characterized by fear and legalism, your children may rebel.
As a child grows up and develops physically into a young woman or man, a concern may grow in the parent about how much physical affection should be given if the child is of the opposite sex. The tendency is to think he is grown and doesn't need the affection. Don't stop lavishing your child with physical affection; he needs those hugs and kisses more than ever! A mom hugging her son and a dad hugging his daughter will send the message to both—you are a young man or a young woman who is worthy of attention and affection from someone of the opposite sex.
How many times have you heard young women say that they sought affection from boys because they never received it from their fathers? Don't make that mistake with your child.
As you look to teach and train your children about sexual intimacy, remember God designed sex as part of a married couple's relationship meant to glorify God. As you lovingly invest in training your kids about God's intention for sex, you will help counteract all the sick and sorry messages that the world has to share.

The Distortion of Gender