Maybe it's because I just had another birthday. maybe it's because
I'm a granddad several times over. Or maybe it's because of a struggling
young seminarian I met recently who wishes he had been higher on his
parents' priority list than, say, fifth or sixth. He was hurried and
ignored through childhood, then tolerated and misunderstood through
adolescence, and finally expected to "be a man" without having been
taught how.
My words are dedicated to all of you who have the opportunity to make
an investment in a growing child so that he or she might someday be
whole and healthy, secure and mature. Granted, yours is a tough job.
Relentless and thankless...at least for now. There is every temptation
to escape from the responsibilities that are yours and yours alone. But
nobody is better qualified to shape the thinking, to answer the
questions, to assist during the struggles, to calm the fears, to
administer the discipline, to know the innermost heart, or to love and
affirm the life of your offspring than you.
When it comes to "training up the child in the way he should go,"
you've got the inside lane, Mom and Dad. No teacher or coach, neighbor
or friend, no grandparent or sibling, counselor or minister will have
the influence on your kid that you are having. So — take it easy!
Remember (as Anne Ortlund puts it) "children are wet cement." They take
the shape of your mold. They're learning even when you don't think
they're watching. And those little guys and gals are plenty smart. They
hear tone as well as terms. They read looks as well as books. They
figure out motives, even those you think you can hide. They are not
fooled, not in the long haul.
The two most important tools of parenting are time and touch. Believe
me, both are essential. If you and I hope to release from our nest
fairly capable and relatively stable people who can soar and make it on
their own, we'll need to pay the price of saying no to many of our own
wants and needs in order to interact with our young...and we'll have to
keep breaking down the distance that only naturally forms as our little
people grow up.
Time and touch. nothing new, I realize, yet both remain irreducible
minimums when it comes to good parenting. Take it easy! Listen to your
boy or girl, look them in the eye, put your arms around them, hug them
close, tell them how valuable they are. Don't hold back. Take the time
to do it. Reach. Touch.
Don't stand alongside your son or daughter like statues, unable to
say what you feel, uncomfortable and distant. Take time to feel, to
listen, to hold your child close.
When you are tempted to get involved in some energy-draining,
time-consuming opportunity that will only increase the distance between
you and yours, stop and think of the unspoken message it will convey.
Ask yourself hard questions like, "Could my time be better spent at
home?" and "Won't there be similar opportunities in the years to come?"
Then turn your attention to your boy or girl. Hold nothing back as you
renew acquaintances.
Take it easy!
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